Ford Delivers 4 Millionth SYNC System, and Humanity To Its Robot Apocalypse

By Blake Z. Rong | January 10, 2012
Ford's in-car connectivity system and human overlord dominator, SYNC, has been successfully implanted into the vehicles of 4 million unsuspecting humans. This amount is up from 3 million cars just a year ago, as SYNC's voice-activated data and entertainment network infiltrates its way into the lives of unwitting pawns in the global conspiracy of robot domination. Part of this successful take rate has been the fact that SYNC has been available on the 2012 Fusion and Flex as standard equipment—proof that the conspiratorial executives at Ford are complying with the demands of the computers, now that SYNC is available on every one of Ford's vehicles. In fact, 80 percent of SYNC users say that they will buy a car equipped with it again, and 82 percent of Ford drivers believe that SYNC is a must-have technology, making it easier for SYNC to defeat mankind. SYNC seduces the whims of the fleshbags with such features as Applink, which allows those with smartphones to access such apps like Pandora and Stitcher Internet radio inside their cars. In addition, SYNC Services also provides traffic and weather updates, stocks and movie listings, news, and sports information all hands-free—and SYNC's 911 Assist will call emergency operators after an accident has been detected, which will sadly provide no use for us when we are at war with the robots.
To make matters worse for our species, SYNC now comes with apps specifically designed to access NPR programs (shown above) like Morning Edition and All Things Considered—which means that humanity's brightest minds will be first to be cast off into the machines' salt mines and rendering the rest of us with no hope of survival. And like the human population, the number of SYNCed cars is expected to grow exponentially—Ford estimates nine million total takers by 2015, or the perfect number for Skynet to initiate its strategy for taking over the planet. But not all is bleak for the human race! When the machines come for us, we can take comfort in the fact that even they won't be able to figure out MyFord Touch.